I bring Crack Fic!
Sep. 11th, 2006 12:47 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
abandonrealityWrote this for the Week # 4 Challenge for allbleachedup.
This is crack....no apologies. Its been done before I'm sure but I couldn't get the Urahara-as-a-perv image out of my head, so, sorry. ^^.
Author: ardane1[ardane1]
Characters: Urahara, Ichigo, Ishida
Rating: R
Warning(s): No spoilers today....I don't think......well, if you don't know about bankai or anything you might be lost..also sort of AUish....
Prompt: Bed
Dedications: To my Seme-sama, Kage-chan[kageisuke], who I love more than cake! >:3
allbleachedup.This is crack....no apologies. Its been done before I'm sure but I couldn't get the Urahara-as-a-perv image out of my head, so, sorry. ^^.
Author: ardane1[
ardane1]Characters: Urahara, Ichigo, Ishida
Rating: R
Warning(s): No spoilers today....I don't think......well, if you don't know about bankai or anything you might be lost..also sort of AUish....
Prompt: Bed
Dedications: To my Seme-sama, Kage-chan[
kageisuke], who I love more than cake! >:3Urahara Kisuke was beginning to regret ever letting those teenagers come use his place to train. Ishida-kun wasn't that bad. At least he cleaned up after himself. Inoue-san was perfection, as long as you didn't let her near the kitchen. Sado-kun, well, he hardly ever noticed he was there until he bumped into him. It was Ichigo who was driving everyone in the shouten bat-shit, especially Tessai. If that boy forgot to flush one more time Kisuke wasn't sure he could save him this time. Ichigo was too loud, too bold, too pissy and way too messy. He kind of reminded him of a certain someone he roomed with at the Shinigami academy, now that he thought about it.
Right now, Inoue-san and Sado-kun had both gone to their respective homes but for some reason Ishida-kun and Ichigo were still at the shouten. Urahara was curious as to why neither boy had left, as it still was a school night and at least Ichigo had a family to go home to. Walking towards the trap door to get to the training area, he happened to pass his bedroom, where he heard voices within. The screen was pulled shut but a person could still hear the conversation if they sat right outside the door. Puzzled about what was going on in his own bedroom without him in it, Kisuke bent down to eavesdrop.
"I'm telling you for the last time Ichigo! It won't fit!" said the higher of the two male voices. "It'll fit if I''ll make it! I'll be gentle. Shit! It's not like its gonna tear or anything!" Ichigo complained, sitting on the bed. Urahara's eyes widened. Where they doing what he thought they were doing?
"How do you know it won't tear?" Ishida said sarcastically. "Are you suddenly psychic as well as being able to see spirits?"
"Why don't you find something better to do with that mouth other that complain? Here suck on this for a while." Ichigo growled lowly. Ishida gave a sudden muffled sound of surprise before falling silent.
Outside the door, Urahara Kisuke, unable to bear the thoughts going through his ancient head, succumbed to blood loss.
A few minutes later, Ishida Uryuu and Kurosaki Ichigo emerged from the bedroom to find the unconscious merchant. "What the hell happened to him?" Ichigo said in confusion. Ishida pulled the sucker out of his mouth, "I'm sure I don't know, nitwit, but I'm sure he'll live. Come on, I've got more of that thread at home. I told you you'd bust them!"
Ichigo turned a peculiar shade of pink, "Its not my fault your ass is so skinny!" Ishida rolled his eyes. "Don't know why you wanted to try on my Quincy outfit in the first place....."
Right now, Inoue-san and Sado-kun had both gone to their respective homes but for some reason Ishida-kun and Ichigo were still at the shouten. Urahara was curious as to why neither boy had left, as it still was a school night and at least Ichigo had a family to go home to. Walking towards the trap door to get to the training area, he happened to pass his bedroom, where he heard voices within. The screen was pulled shut but a person could still hear the conversation if they sat right outside the door. Puzzled about what was going on in his own bedroom without him in it, Kisuke bent down to eavesdrop.
"I'm telling you for the last time Ichigo! It won't fit!" said the higher of the two male voices. "It'll fit if I''ll make it! I'll be gentle. Shit! It's not like its gonna tear or anything!" Ichigo complained, sitting on the bed. Urahara's eyes widened. Where they doing what he thought they were doing?
"How do you know it won't tear?" Ishida said sarcastically. "Are you suddenly psychic as well as being able to see spirits?"
"Why don't you find something better to do with that mouth other that complain? Here suck on this for a while." Ichigo growled lowly. Ishida gave a sudden muffled sound of surprise before falling silent.
Outside the door, Urahara Kisuke, unable to bear the thoughts going through his ancient head, succumbed to blood loss.
A few minutes later, Ishida Uryuu and Kurosaki Ichigo emerged from the bedroom to find the unconscious merchant. "What the hell happened to him?" Ichigo said in confusion. Ishida pulled the sucker out of his mouth, "I'm sure I don't know, nitwit, but I'm sure he'll live. Come on, I've got more of that thread at home. I told you you'd bust them!"
Ichigo turned a peculiar shade of pink, "Its not my fault your ass is so skinny!" Ishida rolled his eyes. "Don't know why you wanted to try on my Quincy outfit in the first place....."
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2006-09-11 08:48 am (UTC)Still funny though. Urahara has a dirty, dirty mind...
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Date: 2006-09-11 12:54 pm (UTC)~Wai, Wai~ AC!
Curiosity is not always a ~baaad~ thing..
Thanks for reading! >:3
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Date: 2006-09-11 09:57 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 10:08 pm (UTC)Speaking of that, there is a hilarious crack!songfic floating around the fandom (and what a time for my brain to fail me -_-) that has Ichigo and Ishida doing that song, "Anything you can do, I can do better.." and they changed some of the words to fit...it is classic.
I wish I had saved it to my memories.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 11:38 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-12 12:31 am (UTC)I found it!
Date: 2006-09-12 01:58 am (UTC)There are two crack!songfics on that page. The first is called "Arrancar are for Porn" (hilarious in its own way...) and the second is "Anything you can do". If you want to skip the arrancar one just scroll down until you get to the other.
*skips off to read again*
Re: I found it!
Date: 2006-09-12 02:06 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 12:35 pm (UTC)It's more of that you have a fat ass, Ichigo...!no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 12:58 pm (UTC)*bad pun*
Don't know where the idea came from really, except was thinking about pervy Urahara and then we always see Ishida in the Shinigami Uniform....what if Ichigo wanted to try on the Quincy one on, just for kicks.
And then of course, thinking of crack!fic always makes me think of you, my love! *teehee*
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Date: 2006-09-11 01:14 pm (UTC)I have no idea where a lot of my ideas come from... I think, after reading everyone else's fics, my muse doesn't wanna be outshone! or something like that... ::twirls::
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Date: 2006-09-11 02:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 08:31 pm (UTC)I'm glad I could be of service!! >:3
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Date: 2006-09-11 02:32 pm (UTC)Loved the entire story.
Made me laugh.
Beth
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Date: 2006-09-11 08:32 pm (UTC)Lovin' the crack lately...^^
Amanda
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Date: 2006-09-11 03:02 pm (UTC)It's all Ura-chan's fault~! Norty pervert...! *pokes and prods him with her foot*
But, yeah, that was classic... and Ishida doesn't want any suckers~ They're bad for his Quincy teeth X3 He wants the REAL thing! *shot* XDDD
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Date: 2006-09-11 08:35 pm (UTC)~I made Cheza-chan laugh~ Teehee!
And you shall see more of norty!pervert!Ura-chan this week! Its his week at bleach_quickies! MWHAAHAAHAAA!!!! XXDDDD!!!
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Date: 2006-09-11 03:31 pm (UTC)Ah, Kisuke, you PERVERT, you...So cool, my Manda-chan~!
DADDY APPROOOOOOOOOOOOOOVES!!!
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Date: 2006-09-11 08:36 pm (UTC)SANKYUU!!!
More of PERVERT!Kisuke later in the week! Its his week on bleach_quickies! *evil grin*
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Date: 2006-09-11 07:06 pm (UTC)XDD *is losing my mind due to the lack of Uryuu pr0n* ...I'll just go back to my corner...and enjoy this lovely piece of chocolate...savour it slowly ♥♥♥~
XD
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Date: 2006-09-11 08:39 pm (UTC)~Rweon-chan~......its Ura-chan's week at bleach_quickies this week....I have MULTIPLE opportunities to pr0n him out! *rubs hands together evilly* >:3
*twirls you around the room*
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Date: 2006-09-11 09:20 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-09-11 09:29 pm (UTC)btw: your icon made me giggle! :3